It’s the bittersweet feeling that you get when you finally accept that things are different, and they will always be different.
This is the scary part.
And this where we need to have the courage.
The courage to experience darkness. The courage to face uncertainty. The courage to break down our pride and see ourselves for who we really are.
Because it’s only when we completely strip ourselves of all the power and strength we claim to carry
that we see how imperfect we are.
It’s a call to failure
a cry to know our own weakness
a longing for suffering and despair.
Because it’s only when we are completely and utterly broken
that we can truly know His power.
Then, and only then, we will truly see Him for who He is.
So then the question is,
are we willing to go there?
Cause there’s nothing else to do when you want to procrastinate.
the one thing I don’t know how to do is to admit that I’m not ready.
Maybe I should start listening to my gut instincts.
Don’t take things at face value.
- to learn to challenge every idea thrown at you, regardless of how you feel about it
- to learn to either stand by your beliefs, or to learn to adjust them
- to learn to affirm who you are based on what you believe in, and not in some ideal that you pretend to chase after
- to learn to experience it for yourself and to think for yourself
Because when we’re spoon-fed all of these ideas and theories and anecdotes and stories, we don’t truly understand what we claim we believe in.
Because when something is so easily absorbed and accepted, it is also easily rejected and replaced by another.
Because when we refuse to dig deeper and to look for ourselves, we won’t ever be able to scratch past the surface.
Because when we let what other people think define who we are, we aimlessly reach for an unattainable goal completely irrelevant to us.
We must learn to question more, to wonder more, to challenge more. We must learn to fight for what we believe in, and learn to defend our identities because of what we believe in. Much like a mighty and immovable tree gradually extending its roots inch by inch deep into the soil, so, too, must we struggle and work to establish a strong foundation in order to build something bigger that will stand completely on its own.
It feels good.
Sure, change can be uncomfortable, and it can be terrifying as much as it can be hard.
But it’s nice to know that we’ll be able to deal with it just fine.
Or at the very least, it’s nice to know that we’ll get a little stronger because of it.
in-th3light said: How do you aelkrgj?
Simple. Just a little bit of alsekjgalkj and a smidge of qirwjhpawroiu and voila, you have just successfully aelkrgjed.
to do list:
switch my major for hopefully the last time reduce the amount of extra-curriculars that I’ve committed to
- figure out what I’m going to do after I graduate
lessons in a week.
- it’s not in the Plan; it’s in the Maker
- He is bigger than any mistakes we may have made, are making, and will ever make
- the Truth sets us free
- we’re not made right with Him because of what we’ve done, but because of His Grace
and it looks like I’m done
done with playing these games, telling these lies, running from these realities…
It’s time to face it.
There never really is a time when we’re truly ready.
No, we just have to answer a simple question.
Do we want it?
Simple question that we tend to over-complicate.
"Yeah, but now’s just not the time."
"I really want to, but I’ve just been so caught up with everything else."
"I do, I really do, I’ve just been dealing with some tough stuff."
"Yes, but what about how people will react?"
"Well yeah, but do we really have to go through all this trouble?"
And even when we think we’re going after it, we don’t even chase after it wholeheartedly. Sometimes we’re aware of it; other times, we’re not. Most times, we think we’re the only ones, completely alone; while everyone else seems to be moving on forward and leaving you behind, you feel the expectation to rise up and fake it just so you don’t let anyone down. Or maybe we’re all just too darn content with the way things are.
But I’m done.
This last week…I felt completely content to just cut myself off from the world. No need to deal with the pressure that I give myself when I fail to meet my own academic standards; no need to deal with the fact that I’m doubting my career goals and my aspirations for the future; no need to deal with my inexplicable dislike for certain individuals in my workplace whom I’ve deemed inadequate and unjust; no need to deal with obligations that I’ve committed to regularly during the year that are probably burning me out.
And yet, there was no “me”.
All that was left was a shell, just eating and sleeping, filling what was left of its time by watching so many unrealities mindlessly, fantasizing about what life could have been like.
And there is something strangely unfulfilling about that.
But looking past the last week, and into the last twenty years of my life, I can’t say that there is much of a difference. There really isn’t a large selection of words that I’d use to describe my existence. Other than just that; my existence.
Always pretending to chase after this…this faith, this God, that I claim to believe in, yet Whom I find that I don’t really know or understand. Throwing myself at all of these commitments thinking that I’m fulfilling my responsibilities as a faithful servant and as a loving neighbour; expecting so much of myself to achieve all of these goals just so I’d feel adequate. And yet, always feeling a little short of something. Always missing something.
But it’s time to stop daydreaming.
There is no easy answer, and there is no easy way out; I’ll probably run into so many different obstacles as I try to crawl out of this dark hole.
But at least I know that He has never stopped calling my name, waiting for the day that I finally return to His open arms.
This is the story of the Son of God, hanging on the cross, for me;
but it ends with a Bride and Groom, and a wedding by a glassy sea.
It doesn’t matter in what circumstances we find ourselves in; it doesn’t matter when we fall into temptation or into tribulation or into suffering; it doesn’t matter what we’ve done or what we’re doing or what we will do;
Nothing will stop Him from chasing after us.
Nothing will stop Him from carrying us on His shoulders.
There is nothing - and I mean there is not a single thing or being or act or idea - that can stop Him from loving us.
So take hope, and take courage, in the One who loves us enough to bleed for us, to suffer for us, to die for us, just so we might even have the slightest chance to know who He is.
And then, when we do finally begin to know who He is…maybe then, we’ll start to see that we were meant for something more. Maybe then we’ll start to see that we are something more.